MagicianCat’s Advice from Roma
Turbam vita!
Prologue learning
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‘You know,’ said Mary to Natasha, ‘you should take horse-riding lessons with me, just at Plum field. You seem to love horses.’
Natasha did not know what to say. She was a skinny girl of 16, with short but curly locks of white-blond hair and fierce green eyes, the image of the hunting Diana. ‘It’s free.’ added Mary.
So Natasha agreed. Neither of them knew then, the contribution that Natasha would make to the future horse-riding competitions.
Chapter 1: A living myth
Sunshine poured into the downtown cafe, Luckin coffee’s shimmering glass windows, forming pools of gold on the wooden tables and chairs. It was noon, the teachers and students of the Spring Field University were having a pleasant lunch break. Three men were sitting together by the window.
‘… and guess what? I read the story of Jackson in the magazine ‘Horse-riding’. She really existed!’ the man wearing yellow talked excitedly. Just then, a man about forty-five burst into the cafe. He approached the three men’s table and fell into a chair. He ordered a cup of coffee. He had bags under his eyes. The other men laughed, ‘ Hard day Rob?’
‘Yeah.’ he answered weakly, ‘you weren’t just talking about Natasha Jackson?’
‘We were!’ replied the man in yellow eagerly, ‘do you know something about her?’
‘Yes, my wife was the daughter of her friend, Mary Collin. She told me about all the records Jackson had set in her lifetime. She disappeared during the horse-riding utimate race. She was only thirty-eight.’
‘Can you tell us her story?’ the man in yellow asked.
‘Okay.’
Teacher’s comments:
Great job, Pluvia. The thing for you to consider is how to make the dialogue more realistic sounding. There is quite a big difference between formal written English, and informal spoken English. For example;
She told me about all the records Jackson had set in her wonderous lifetime of 38 years.
The reason I crossed out these words, is because they don’t sound like natural, conversational English. ‘Wonderous’ is just a bit formal-sounding.
Writing dialogue is a tough skill to master, but keep going; you’re doing very well.